Coping with that toxic emotion

"Anger, that toxic emotion, you can't just ignore.”

You'll feel better if you let it go.Can you remember an instance when someone points his finger to you blaming you for things you don’t even understand, a situation where you’re not even a part of, accusing you for the crime that’s obviously not your fault?

Or simply put- you were blamed because someone’s expectations were not met…Did you experience being embarrassed in front of many people by irresponsible outburst of emotion? How did you react then? Of course, different reactions to different situations.

If you really have nothing to do with the situation, natural reaction would be…”What the hell is he doing to me?” Why make himself so mad by shouting at the top of his voice without even trying to find out what really happened prior to the outburst of his “as high as skyscraper’s” voice.

In a situation like this- its better to ‘keep your cool’ so you can relay the message with utmost understanding. Moreover, you will be able to teach a lesson that surely will be embedded in the child’s heart.

Anger Is Normal, But...Most people don't enjoy feeling angry. It's uncomfortable -- even more uncomfortable if you lash out and someone gets hurt or angry back. Anger can have unpleasant repercussions and destructive consequences for everyone concerned.

Repressing anger -- keeping it bottled up inside -- can cause headaches, back pain, nausea, or other symptoms. "Letting it all out" isn't good for you either.

What to Do (from the book of Dianne Schilling)
Instead of reacting impulsively, train yourself to keep a lid on angry feelings until you have cooled down. Then confront the situation -- or person -- calmly.

Taking a "time out" can be enormously constructive. However, 5 minutes are not enough; research suggests that people need at least 20 minutes to recover from intense psychological arousal. During those minutes (and at other times, too), try some of these techniques for coping with and defusing anger.

Become Aware of what precipitates your anger. Most of us have identifiable triggers. Once you know the roots of your anger, you can deal with it more constructively.

Write down angry thoughts. Once you have them on paper, challenge and reappraise them. Or write a letter to the person you're angry with and then tear it into a hundred pieces. But be careful: The longer you dwell on what made you angry, the more reasons and self-justifications you can find for being angry. Try not to fan your own fire.

Identify and express the feelings that precede anger. Anger is often a secondary emotion, erupting in the wake of other feelings, like frustration, resentment, humiliation, or fear. Try to become aware of the underlying emotion and express that feeling instead of anger.

Respond assertively. The goal isn't to suppress anger, but to express it in non-aggressive ways. Blaming, accusations, threats and name-calling are aggressive responses. Calmly and assertively stating your thoughts and feelings about a situation, without blaming, is a far more powerful way to respond in conflict.

Relax. Anger is a high-arousal state, so one of the most helpful things you can do is engage in an activity that lowers blood pressure and heart rate, like stretching, deep breathing, massage, visualization, guided imagery or meditation. Activities like gardening, painting, and woodworking may also be very helpful.

Relinquish your anger If angry feelings about a particular person or situation are eating at you and none of the above technique proves helpful, try doing what maybe the most courageous and difficult thing of all: Just let it go. If the anger is based on some old wound deep inside, letting go starts a healing process.